weston culture » Design Notes

How people change: Working with the stages and processes of change

trish — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 00:12:22 +0000

While archiving a journal recently, I found an old photocopied article wedged in its pages. Upon re-reading it, I was struck by just how relevant (and now, mainstream) the ideas in this article were.

The article, from the September 1992 edition of American Psychologist, was entitled “In Search of How People Change” and was written by James Prochaska, Carol DiClemente and John Norcross. In it, Prochaska and friends outline their “stages of change model” which has become de rigeur knowledge for change agents over the past 20 years. Based on their work in the field of addiction, the model proposes five stages that people go through when changing.

Pre-contemplation – where we see no problem with our behaviour or situation, and consequently have very little motivation to change
Contemplation – where we are thinking about change, maybe wondering what’s possible, checking out options but not acting on it
Preparation – where we seriously consider what needs to be done to bring about change
Action – where we do what’s needed to change
Maintenance – where we monitor and adjust our behaviour so that the change is sustained.

The Stages of Change are quite well known and often used as justification for why the cliche “a person has to be ready to change” is wheeled out when someone is resistant to change.

A less known part of the model is how it can inform the processes of change. Processes can range from consciousness raising and self-evaluation to helping relationships and stimulus control. Different processes help people move through the different stages.

For example, if you’re in Pre-Contemplation about your health, you’re quite happy to chow down at the greasy spoon for lunch everyday and not see it as a problem. But when you receive feedback from your GP (consciousness raising) that your cholesterol levels are above average, you may move into the Contemplation stage of “Maybe I should do something about my diet to improve my health?”.

It’s interesting but I’ve never read any coaching literature that explores what processes we use in relation to the stages. It’s probably because most of the people we work with are at the Preparation or Action stages and our processes help people get into action (and to a lesser degree, maintain change). I’ve been wondering how much better coaching could be if we gave more attention to what we could do in the other stages.

Revisiting Prochaska et al’s model has really opened my mind in relation to what’s possible with helping people change. I find this the mark of great research: it doesn’t just tell us how things are but invites us to explore what we can do with this knowledge.

The article is quite accessible and I’d invite you to read it for yourself and reflect on what it means for your own change or in working with those going through change. I’ve put a copy of it in the Studio.

This article was first published in the March edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design program.

The natural seasons of business

trish — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:57:41 +0000

When I was a bookseller, the month of October always meant Christmas because that was when the Christmas new releases arrived. It was a time when our stock level doubled (if not tripled) and the whole build up to the end-of-year busy season began.

The weird thing was, the books that made the bestseller lists at Christmas were being ordered in July or August, so you had to predict what was going to sell four or five months beforehand. Fortunately, in bookselling there are many publishers, distributors, and agents who are quite happy to tell you what’s going to be big in six months time. So the industry had its seasons, sometimes determined by customer need and sometimes driven by the suppliers’ marketing machine.

I was reminded of this ‘forward thinking’ this week when I suddenly found myself in March and wondered, what do I usually do this time of year? What season am I in?

For me, March means getting things up and running for April starts (for the 90 day cycle that takes us to the end of the financial year in June). However, working with people around the world means working with different cycles. For example, in some parts of the world the end of financial year is this month, so that brings all those questions forward.

Jeanette and I have recently been looking at how business can be enhanced from a permaculture framework. (Permaculture is an organic, systems-based approach to living and is usually applied to gardens). As with the season’s influence on when one plants, harvests, stores, and celebrates, I think we have natural seasons in business.

When is your time to plant in your business? When do your seeds get sown?
When do your seeds produce a yield?
Are there times where you have resources in store? Do you have dry (lean) or rainy (abundant) seasons that influence how you work?
When do you light the metaphorical bonfire and celebrate your yearly harvest?

Okay, the growing metaphors do sound a bit over the top, but, being aware of the cycles in how you work (especially those that you have little or no control over) means that you can look at how to work with the seasons. For example, you can:

stop beating yourself up for not having much work at the moment when it may be a natural market cycle of your industry
take advantage the slow times to ‘prepare the soil’
use your knowledge of the seasons to prepare for foreseeable obstacles and opportunities
celebrate the harvest – even if it’s not a bumper crop.

So what are your seasons? What season are you in now and how can you use this knowledge to help your business thrive this year?

This article first appeared in Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program.

Working toward higher goals. Sharing the love. Happy V day.

trish — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:13:12 +0000

I wrote this piece on love, valentines and quantum theory last year. I re-read it today to see if I’d changed my thinking on love – and was surprised and heartened to find it’s still pretty spot-on.

Quantum love and the essence of life

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Like so many other days that are deemed significant in our culture, it’s one that rattles me as perpetuating so many heteronormative myths and being nothing more than a cheap consumer charade. (Tee-hee. I’ve been itching to use ‘heteronormative’ for ages!)

What that means is that, no, unlike the ever-popular Lisa Simpson, I never received the “choo-choo-choose me” Valentine’s cards from secret admirers as a child (or teenager, or adult, for that matter). Granted, I never gave anyone a card either, but hey, at age seven I was yet to discover feminism or The Secret.

Feeling unloved is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. And I don’t think I was alone in feeling exceptionally unloved on Valentine’s Day. So why participate in a cultural event that ends up just spreading the non-love?

But here I am, a pathetic, hypocrite of an adult, quite happy to be swept along in this folly of romantic love. On Valentine’s eve, I went searching for a special ‘love’-themed positive tune to post on this site and my V day plans include a special dinner with my love. (No, not the cat. Nooo, not my sMacBook. The other one – with two legs.) Actually, my enthusiasm for tunes of love and celebrating the day is probably more to do with “will use any excuse to eat wonderful food, guzzle champagne and dance around the house to cheesy music”.

It is true, though, that I’m a big sucker for love. In fact, it is my one value or guiding principle that has not changed over the years. For me it’s like the ultimate truth, the only reason we’re here, the singular essence of life: To live with love. And to isolate that to one day of the year just seems ridiculous.

In fact, my love attraction is so strong that whenever I’m making a tough decision, it only takes a Marianne-Williamson-moment for me to work out what I need to do. You see, I just ask myself, “What would love do?”

Now as I drag myself out from under my rock of new-age shame, let me explain why this works for me. Like so many popular songs have suggested, the world needs a lot more love. The alternative is living with fear, and although I’m pretty skilled at that, after years of giving the fear-based-life gig a red-hot go, I’d have to rate it as a pretty ineffective strategy for achieving quality of life.

So what is it about living with love that makes life a whole lot more worthwhile?

A recent paper in the journal NeuroQuantology by Antonella Vannini and Ulisse Di Corpo attempts to explain the life-giving power of love in terms of quantum mechanics.

In their paper, Retrocausality and the Healing Power of Love, Vannini and Di Corpo draw on the work of early 20^th century mathematician, Luigi Fantappie, and suggest that there are two competing laws at play that regulate our material needs (such as food, water, shelter, etc) – the law of entropy (waves diverging) and the law of syntropy (waves converging). Due to entropy we are always replacing lost energy through food and water, or minimising loss through shelter. Syntropy, on the other hand, is the law that sustains life. According to Fantappie, who gave syntropy its name,

“The law of life is not the law of hate, the law of force, or the law of mechanical causes; this is the law of non-life, the law of death, the law of entropy; the law which dominates life is the law of finalities, the law of cooperation towards goals which are always higher, and this is true also for the lowest forms of life. In humans this law takes the form of love.”

If we’re serious about sustaining life, then we have to “be like the atoms” and encourage convergence of energy. That is, work together toward higher goals and share the love. It also means that instead of always making rational, head-based decisions based on certainty (or our illusion thereof), we make heart-based decisions. In true quantum physics style, they also contend that the future determines the past (retro-causality is the inverse of causality where past events causes future events).

So when we have feelings we just can’t rationalise, like when we feel anticipation, it is the future sending us a message. And so in acting on our feelings, living with our heart, our future is determining our past.

Yup. [Back away slowly from the crazy lady…]

There’s more to the theory than that, as it deals with identity and meaning and how we connect with the environment. But I thought the stuff about love being the essential law of life was pretty neat – and way better than a tacky card and a hastily-bought box of chocolates.

I also like the theory because there’s a bit of a Taoist dichotomous balance thing going on as well; love and hate paradoxically co-exist, and the redress of hate or force is love. It also gives me insight into one of other great paradoxes of love, which was the fabulous opening line (and theme) of Jeanette Winterson’s Written on the Body:

Why is the measure of love loss?

Why do we not realise how much something, or someone, means to us until it has gone? That only through absence do we recognise what we truly have. By their very nature, love and loss co-exist.

If you want a brain-melt trip into the edges of research, you can read the full paper here.

And my Valentine’s wish? I hope all your days are filled with love.

POST SCRIPT: I was so chuffed when I published this piece last year to receive the comment “Beautiful” from the authors of the quantum love paper. A simple acknowledgment can mean so much.

This piece was first published 14 February 2009.

My Ten for (20)10: Priorities for a life well lived.

trish — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 02:55:29 +0000

I mentioned last month that I’d started on my Ten For 10 – the ten things I wanted to be a priority this year. The list is still fairly much as it was when I first jotted it down

1. Being a loving partner – still so much to learn…

2. Write – about everything. Share what inspires me, what I’m passionate about, what it means to be a human now.

3. Develop work that I enjoy, work that represents my values and strengths. Allowing my projects to be all that they can be.

4. Healthy, strong, flexible body – its going to make the rest of my life possible

5. Friends – laughter, lightness, connection

6. Family – more laughter, support, presence

7. Bibliocoach project – changing the world one book at a time (a backburner project that needs moving to a front burner)

8. Create – see, feel, hear the colour, the beauty and life through painting, photography, music.

9. Tao – be in tune with the way. Understand it. Talk about it. Write about it.

10. Make our house a home – surround myself with beauty, inspiration, create a sanctuary.

11. Be mindful – whether through meditation or other practice, finding that peace and stillness that keeps all in flow.

Yeah, it’s 11 but that’s the other part of 2010, not being limited by arbitrary criteria. The point of the activity isn’t to get 10 priorities but to stretch myself to think of at least 10, or narrow my list of 100 ToDos down to a Top 10. 11 is good enough.

So I invite you to take some time to reflect on your own hopes, dreams and possibilities – for your life, for your work, for the world. What are your Ten for 2010?

And if you’d like, come share them at Confab on Wednesday 20 January. Details below…

WORK/LIFE DESIGN CONFAB

WEDNESDAY, 20 JANUARY 2010

6.30PM – 7.30PM (QLD TIME) / 7.30PM – 8.30PM (NSW/VIC TIME)

THIS MONTH’S THEME: A new year. Resolution or (r)evolution? Hopes, dreams, 2010 … and how to make it all happen.

WHERE: Skype/phone

RSVP: trish@worklifedesign.com.au

Confab is where we get together to share ideas, wins, challenges and support each other.

Confabs are an ideal space to bring your big questions (and little queries), to bounce ideas off others who may have been in the same situation or making similar decisions to you. You’ll get time to talk about what’s going on in your work and life (if you wish) as well as contribute to the monthly theme and resource pool.

Confabs are conducted by teleconference – so you are able to join in where ever you are in the world.

This article first appeared in the January 2010 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

A new year. Hopes. Dreams. Possibilities.

trish — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 02:06:06 +0000

I love January. Like December, it’s hot, humid and not conducive to fervent activity. It differs however in that because so many are on holidays, it can be lazy month with days spent on the couch watching tennis and waiting for the afternoon thunderstorm to roll in. It can be a month where a whole lot of nothing goes on.

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of spaciousness as it’s in those spaces that new ideas form, that we can shake ourselves out of automatic routines and ask “Is this really how I want to live my life?”

If we follow the seasons (climate and culture) then January presents itself as a natural month for reflection. Fortunately all this balmy weather and freedom coincides with another cultural reflection time – the new year. I’ve written elsewhere about new year resolutions and how they aren’t really the most effective strategy for long-term change. Resolving, or making that decision, to do or see things differently is an important step in change, but it’s not the only one. There’s usually a whole lot of action that comes after it – which is sort of the opposite of how I like to live out my January.

My January is about thinking big, having dreams, reconnecting with the things I’m passionate about and care about. It’s about remembering that for me, a life lived in mediocrity is a life half lived. From these big ideas the plan flows, even if it’s just the next step I have to take. It’s clear.

Toodle pip 2009. It was swell.

trish — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 01:44:56 +0000

The following piece was written at the beginning of the month for Design Notes. I’ve added a post-script to bring it up to date.

REFLECTING ON 2009

December is the time of year when we reflect on the previous 12 months. It’s a time to acknowledge what we’ve achieved and what we’ve learned, to celebrate, to let go of that which no longer serves us, and identify the knowledge and peace of mind to move into a new year with wisdom, hope and enthusiasm.

What have I learned this year? What’s worked? What hasn’t worked?

The year of Twitter Less is more. It’s been the year of Twitter – a world of instant gratification, news and encapsulating life in 140 characters. I’ve, um, quite enjoyed it and look forward to seeing how it evolves.

The year of Needs What do people need? This is the question that’s driven me (and my work) this year. The financial crisis may have been reportedly ‘bad’, but I think it stripped away a lot of bloated artifice of modern life and many got to consider what was really important.

The year of Hair Samson was onto something. For the first time in 20 years I let my hair grow out. It was weird. It was also nice to not get tapped on the shoulder and told that I’d mistakenly entered the ladies toilets.

The year of 40 “Don’t ever worry about the numbers” is what my 83-year-old mother told me on my birthday this year. 40 came with so many expectations, it passed and I got on with life. I quite like it now.

The year of Noosa Women Possibly the most successful thing I’ve done in my life – this vibrant, emerging group gives me so much joy. I searched so long for ‘my people’; little realising that I just had to stand up and ask them to join me.

What did I learn from what didn’t work?

Write for myself And get an editor. Early in the year I started writing for others (rather than myself). The tone, enthusiasm and quality of my writing bottomed out and I’d fairly much stopped writing by the middle of the year. Not really great when one of my 2009 goals was to shift from coaching to writing as my main work.

A longer version of this article first appeared in the December 2009 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

POST-SCRIPT TO REFLECTING ON 2009

31 DECEMBER 2009

Since writing the above article, I’ve done a wee bit more reflecting and, probably more importantly, I’ve spoken with many people – friends, family, colleagues, clients, the lady in the fruit shop – about 2009.

Allowing the fallow times

What became clear to me as I spoke about the year was how it emerged as my ‘fallow’ year. I wasn’t singularly focused on achieving things, I just took them as they came and hopefully made the best of the opportunities that came my way. I can understand why I did this – 2008 was very intense and I was wanting to move in a new direction – but it only really made sense in retrospect.

Things that happened when I wasn’t looking

I was looking through my notebooks and journals yesterday while preparing an article on new year resolutions and came across references to some other things that I wanted to bring into my life in 2009.

Women’s Film Club One thing I wanted was to start some sort of local women’s film club. Tick. Actually, double tick if you include me finally joining Cinema Pomona – which is full of family.

“Win a Big Ass TV” Another thing on my list for 2009 was “Win a big ass TV”. I’ve always wanted a BATV but have never been able to justify buying one. So I thought winning one would absolve me of any responsibility of contributing to the global destruction of rainforests, um, etc. While I did not win any BATVs this year, I was given one. (Thanks Karen!) Actually, two. (Thanks Tan & Gretch!) It could have been three if I had found six burly blokes and a ute (not something I’m used to looking for every day). So there you go, a double tick for the BATV and a reminder that sometimes you just need to ask the universe for a big ass TV and she delivers – in triplicate.

Now I’m starting to sound like The Secret, so I will stop there.

[Oh, and Caro has advised me to put in a little note here informing you that I only came to possess two BATVs because one of them stopped working after we hauled its 5-tonne ass into the house. If you would like a decorative (read: non-working) BATV, please let me know.]

Nine None for 09? I was also surprised to find many references in my notes around this time last year to my “Nine for 09” (ie nine priorities for 2009) but I couldn’t find any such list. Imagine what the year would have been like if I’d actually put nine things out there?! So this year I’m doing my Ten For 10. Catchy huh? Actually it’s now at 11 for 10 because I keep thinking of “essentials for 2010”. As Simplicity is one of my priorities for 2010, I just need to whittle the list down to 10 for its framed version on the wall. [Yes, this is where you back away slowly from the crazy lady ... Hey, it works for me.]

Just a couple more year end questions and I’ll feel ready to move on

I’ve also just received a copy of David Allen’s End Of Year reflection questions. Okay, I don’t get as excited as some by his Getting Things Done approach but he’s a savvy guy and I like these…

After reviewing your 2009, name:

Your biggest triumph?

Smartest decision?

One word that sums up your year?

Greatest lesson learned?

Most loving service performed?

Biggest piece of unfinished business?

Most happy about completing?

Three people who had the greatest impact on your life?

Biggest risk?

Biggest surprise?

Most improved relationship?

The compliment you would have liked to receive?

The compliment you would have liked to given?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2009?

[Source: David Allen]

He’s also got some neat 2010 planning questions that you can check out at the original post.

And, the last word on 2009, I swear…

I’ve found the shift in Facebook statuses (from doom-and-gloom-the-world-is-fucked to woo-hoo-bring-on-2010) over the last few days fascinating, as people start (literally) looking forward to 2010.

Hmmm. Imagine how different life could be if we let our positive futures inspire us everyday.

Happy new year all. See you in 2010.

One hot day in December

trish — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:09:55 +0000

Do I load up the iTunes with some very special Motown OR loungey Christmas tunes OR Handel’s Messiah?

Do I make sparkly tinsel hats OR reindeer antlers for the cats?

Do I venture to the outer burbs of Brisbane to share a meal with my family OR fly to Sydney to feast with my friends?

Christmas for me is about choices. That last choice has become easier in recent years as my parents have gotten older and I have become more accepting of difference (of the conventional kind).

Actually most of the choices that bring on the headaches at this time of year are much simpler. Life is much simpler and free. I don’t have to believe or adhere to any particular religious doctrine. I feel no need to over-consume. I don’t need to myself into debt by giving material gifts. I don’t need to play happy families.

I can have my own beliefs and values and make the day and the season whatever is important to me.

So whether you choose to celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Santa Claus, Solstice or None Of The Above, I hope you too have choices in the hot days of December.

This article first appeared in Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

What is your gift?

trish — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:05:34 +0000

Here are more musings from the December 2009 edition of Design Notes…

For this month’s Design Notes, I wondered if it was possible to have conversations at this time of year that went a bit deeper than “surviving the silly season” or “coping with Christmas”.

What can this season, this time of year, teach us about our lives? What values does it celebrate – or throw into conflict? What cultural expectations do we unconsciously subscribe to that bring us unstuck because they go against our personal values? Mass consumption anyone? Presumption of religious affiliation? Presumption of family or loved ones to share the season with?

A north American study found that 45% of people surveyed dread the festive season. It’s a time when many people reflect on their lives – and don’t like what they see. For some, it’s a reminder of loved ones lost. For others, it’s a reminder that there is no one to love or be loved by.

So what gifts could we give that will truly help share the love, peace, joy and goodwill that we espouse?

Does a gift have to be a material object? Can it be your time, your attention, your ears, your heart?

This article first appeared in Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

Finding meaning and joy beyond the hype of the festive season

trish — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:32:48 +0000

At this time of year, when our cultural expectations are high (Christmas with family, obligatory gift giving, celebration of religious holy days) and constantly in our face (can you go anywhere or do anything without being greeted by tinsel, baubles and a large man in a red suit?), it can be easy to get caught in the wash of it all.

Most of us do want to belong.

The values the season purports to represent – joy, peace, love, goodwill – are things I definitely want in my life. But I am still unsettled by the way it’s all played out. For many years I resisted Christmas. It represented everything that I didn’t want – mass consumption of gifts and food, spending time with people I had little in common with and didn’t accept me for who I was, and having to play along with the illusion of happy families to keep the peace.

Early in this decade, as I began to re-examine my life and what was important, I looked for, and found, the good in the season. Those values I wanted everyday in my life were buried under some leftover gift wrap and a half-eaten piece of pudding (complete with brandy custard).

I looked to see what others got out of Christmas. Why do people go to extraordinary effort to make this day happen? There was the ritual of it – suddenly everyone knew what was expected. Crackers on the left and Santa serviettes on the right. There was the coming together of people who usually didn’t come together, there was the opportunity to show your love and give gifts to those you cared for, there was the affirmation of deeply ingrained religious beliefs that it was all alright. The saviour had come.

Intellectually, I got it. I understood why people would run about like headless chooks to get the perfect gift or perfect glaze. I understood the symbolism and hope of a saviour – that brought joy, peace, love and goodwill too.

Christmas became a cultural experience for me where I ventured into a different land. A land I was quite familiar with, as I knew the customs and rituals, but I saw it with new eyes.

With these new eyes I marvel at the sheer amount of food prepared and consumed. It fills me with joy that I can live in a time and place of such abundance (as I’m acutely aware that my everyday life does not include such feasts). But this overflowing isn’t due to affluence, it’s the result of everyone bringing one thing to the table – literally.

So, as we move into the second half of December, I’m wondering what we can glean from this time of year? What’s so very important to us that our culture virtually stops (commercially anyway) to celebrate it?

This article first appeared in the December 2009 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au