The weird thing was, the books that made the bestseller lists at Christmas were being ordered in July or August, so you had to predict what was going to sell four or five months beforehand. Fortunately, in bookselling there are many publishers, distributors, and agents who are quite happy to tell you what’s going to be big in six months time. So the industry had its seasons, sometimes determined by customer need and sometimes driven by the suppliers’ marketing machine.

I was reminded of this ‘forward thinking’ this week when I suddenly found myself in March and wondered, what do I usually do this time of year? What season am I in?

For me, March means getting things up and running for April starts (for the 90 day cycle that takes us to the end of the financial year in June). However, working with people around the world means working with different cycles. For example, in some parts of the world the end of financial year is this month, so that brings all those questions forward.

Jeanette and I have recently been looking at how business can be enhanced from a permaculture framework. (Permaculture is an organic, systems-based approach to living and is usually applied to gardens). As with the season’s influence on when one plants, harvests, stores, and celebrates, I think we have natural seasons in business.

• When is your time to plant in your business? When do your seeds get sown?
• When do your seeds produce a yield?
• Are there times where you have resources in store? Do you have dry (lean) or rainy (abundant) seasons that influence how you work?
• When do you light the metaphorical bonfire and celebrate your yearly harvest?

Okay, the growing metaphors do sound a bit over the top, but, being aware of the cycles in how you work (especially those that you have little or no control over) means that you can look at how to work with the seasons. For example, you can:

• stop beating yourself up for not having much work at the moment when it may be a natural market cycle of your industry
• take advantage the slow times to ‘prepare the soil’
• use your knowledge of the seasons to prepare for foreseeable obstacles and opportunities
• celebrate the harvest – even if it’s not a bumper crop.

So what are your seasons? What season are you in now and how can you use this knowledge to help your business thrive this year?

This article first appeared in Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program.

Related posts:

1. Understanding your needs as a solo business owner
2. Organic business: Why I’ve gone organic
3. Seven ways to create a sustainable business

• The week begins with a hissy-fit meltdown brought on by neglect of self-care. Mucho meditation later, all is good.
• Diary is covered with red dots (clients)
• Invitation to do retreats
• Invitation to lecture in South America
• An article I wrote a year ago gets published in Sydney’s Daily Telegraph
• I get interviewed about said article on radio 2UE
• Confab conference line falls over – 2 hours of rescheduling and re-writing guidelines for new system
• Frabulous movie night catchup with the girls (always better when wearing 3d glasses)
• Ping pong and drinkies with the noosa chicks (perhaps 3d glasses may have improved my game)
• Much laughter
• Lots of great wine

And, now, ready to start again…

Related posts:

1. This (Blogless) Life

Quantum love and the essence of life

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Like so many other days that are deemed significant in our culture, it’s one that rattles me as perpetuating so many heteronormative myths and being nothing more than a cheap consumer charade. (Tee-hee. I’ve been itching to use ‘heteronormative’ for ages!)

What that means is that, no, unlike the ever-popular Lisa Simpson, I never received the “choo-choo-choose me” Valentine’s cards from secret admirers as a child (or teenager, or adult, for that matter). Granted, I never gave anyone a card either, but hey, at age seven I was yet to discover feminism or The Secret.

Feeling unloved is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. And I don’t think I was alone in feeling exceptionally unloved on Valentine’s Day. So why participate in a cultural event that ends up just spreading the non-love?

But here I am, a pathetic, hypocrite of an adult, quite happy to be swept along in this folly of romantic love.  On Valentine’s eve, I went searching for a special ‘love’-themed positive tune to post on this site and my V day plans include a special dinner with my love. (No, not the cat. Nooo, not my sMacBook. The other one – with two legs.) Actually, my enthusiasm for tunes of love and celebrating the day is probably more to do with “will use any excuse to eat wonderful food, guzzle champagne and dance around the house to cheesy music”.

It is true, though, that I’m a big sucker for love. In fact, it is my one value or guiding principle that has not changed over the years. For me it’s like the ultimate truth, the only reason we’re here, the singular essence of life: To live with love. And to isolate that to one day of the year just seems ridiculous.

In fact, my love attraction is so strong that whenever I’m making a tough decision, it only takes a Marianne-Williamson-moment for me to work out what I need to do. You see, I just ask myself, “What would love do?”

Now as I drag myself out from under my rock of new-age shame, let me explain why this works for me. Like so many popular songs have suggested, the world needs a lot more love. The alternative is living with fear, and although I’m pretty skilled at that, after years of giving the fear-based-life gig a red-hot go, I’d have to rate it as a pretty ineffective strategy for achieving quality of life.

So what is it about living with love that makes life a whole lot more worthwhile?

A recent paper in the journal NeuroQuantology by Antonella Vannini and Ulisse Di Corpo attempts to explain the life-giving power of love in terms of quantum mechanics.

In their paper, Retrocausality and the Healing Power of Love, Vannini and Di Corpo draw on the work of early 20^th century mathematician, Luigi Fantappie, and suggest that there are two competing laws at play that regulate our material needs (such as food, water, shelter, etc) – the law of entropy (waves diverging) and the law of syntropy (waves converging).  Due to entropy we are always replacing lost energy through food and water, or minimising loss through shelter. Syntropy, on the other hand, is the law that sustains life. According to Fantappie, who gave syntropy its name,

“The law of life is not the law of hate, the law of force, or the law of mechanical causes; this is the law of non-life, the law of death, the law of entropy; the law which dominates life is the law of finalities, the law of cooperation towards goals which are always higher, and this is true also for the lowest forms of life. In humans this law takes the form of love.”

If we’re serious about sustaining life, then we have to “be like the atoms” and encourage convergence of energy. That is, work together toward higher goals and share the love. It also means that instead of always making rational, head-based decisions based on certainty (or our illusion thereof), we make heart-based decisions.  In true quantum physics style, they also contend that the future determines the past (retro-causality is the inverse of causality where past events causes future events).

So when we have feelings we just can’t rationalise, like when we feel anticipation, it is the future sending us a message. And so in acting on our feelings, living with our heart, our future is determining our past.

Yup. [Back away slowly from the crazy lady…]

There’s more to the theory than that, as it deals with identity and meaning and how we connect with the environment. But I thought the stuff about love being the essential law of life was pretty neat – and way better than a tacky card and a hastily-bought box of chocolates.

I also like the theory because there’s a bit of a Taoist dichotomous balance thing going on as well; love and hate paradoxically co-exist, and the redress of hate or force is love. It also gives me insight into one of other great paradoxes of love, which was the fabulous opening line (and theme) of Jeanette Winterson’s Written on the Body:

Why is the measure of love loss?

Why do we not realise how much something, or someone, means to us until it has gone? That only through absence do we recognise what we truly have. By their very nature, love and loss co-exist.

If you want a brain-melt trip into the edges of research, you can read the full paper here.

And my Valentine’s wish?  I hope all your days are filled with love.

POST SCRIPT: I was so chuffed when I published this piece last year to receive the comment “Beautiful” from the authors of the quantum love paper. A simple acknowledgment can mean so much.

This piece was first published 14 February 2009.

Related posts:

1. Quantum love and the essence of life
2. Valentine tune: You + Me = Love by Undisputed Truth
3. Ditched the new year resolutions? Set goals that get results in 2010

To see this acknowledged on a global level is incredibly exciting. Not only because “We’re on the right track. Yay.” but all is in alignment…

Engaging in Creative Friction

Andrew Cohen

“In an inspired spiritual context where the evolution of consciousness and culture is the goal, coming together with others is not just about sharing an experience of peace, bliss, and harmony. It is about what I call creative friction.

“In fact, to me, the presence of ongoing creative friction is what indicates deep spiritual, psychological, and emotional health and vibrancy in this type of collective or intersubjective context. Creative friction is the very spiritual lifeblood of the new culture that we need to create, through consciously engaging with each other and the life-process itself, as we strive to deconstruct and transcend old structures and creatively construct new ones.

“If we are all committed to the same higher goal, there is room for many opinions and points of view—they are all colliding in a living, dynamic, creative context, in which everybody benefits from the friction. To be true evolutionary partners and pioneers means being so completely in alignment at the level of our fundamental motive that we are free to disagree and debate in such a way that we are challenged, each and every one of us, at the deepest level, to evolve.

“This takes guts and it takes heart; it means you always have to be willing to reach beyond the familiar, take risks, and continually let go. But if you have become deeply aligned with what I call the Evolutionary Impulse, you will not be afraid. You will experience creative friction as an ecstatic engagement with essence of Life, of Love, of God, and of your own Authentic Self.”

No related posts.

1. Being a loving partner – still so much to learn…

2. Write – about everything. Share what inspires me, what I’m passionate about, what it means to be a human now.

3. Develop work that I enjoy, work that represents my values and strengths. Allowing my projects to be all that they can be.

4. Healthy, strong, flexible body – its going to make the rest of my life possible

5. Friends – laughter, lightness, connection

6. Family – more laughter, support, presence

7. Bibliocoach project – changing the world one book at a time (a backburner project that needs moving to a front burner)

8. Create – see, feel, hear the colour, the beauty and life through painting, photography, music.

9. Tao – be in tune with the way. Understand it. Talk about it. Write about it.

10. Make our house a home – surround myself with beauty, inspiration, create a sanctuary.

11. Be mindful – whether through meditation or other practice, finding that peace and stillness that keeps all in flow.

Yeah, it’s 11 but that’s the other part of 2010, not being limited by arbitrary criteria. The point of the activity isn’t to get 10 priorities but to stretch myself to think of at least 10, or narrow my list of 100 ToDos down to a Top 10. 11 is good enough.

So I invite you to take some time to reflect on your own hopes, dreams and possibilities – for your life, for your work, for the world. What are your Ten for 2010?

And if you’d like, come share them at Confab on Wednesday 20 January. Details below…

WORK/LIFE DESIGN CONFAB

WEDNESDAY, 20 JANUARY 2010

6.30PM – 7.30PM (QLD TIME) / 7.30PM – 8.30PM (NSW/VIC TIME)

THIS MONTH’S THEME: A new year. Resolution or (r)evolution? Hopes, dreams, 2010 … and how to make it all happen.

WHERE: Skype/phone

RSVP: trish@worklifedesign.com.au

Confab is where we get together to share ideas, wins, challenges and support each other.

Confabs are an ideal space to bring your big questions (and little queries), to bounce ideas off others who may have been in the same situation or making similar decisions to you. You’ll get time to talk about what’s going on in your work and life (if you wish) as well as contribute to the monthly theme and resource pool.

Confabs are conducted by teleconference – so you are able to join in where ever you are in the world.

This article first appeared in the January 2010 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

Related posts:

1. A new year. Hopes. Dreams. Possibilities.
2. This (Blogless) Life
3. What is your gift?

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of spaciousness as it’s in those spaces that new ideas form, that we can shake ourselves out of automatic routines and ask “Is this really how I want to live my life?”

If we follow the seasons (climate and culture) then January presents itself as a natural month for reflection. Fortunately all this balmy weather and freedom coincides with another cultural reflection time – the new year. I’ve written elsewhere about new year resolutions and how they aren’t really the most effective strategy for long-term change. Resolving, or making that decision, to do or see things differently is an important step in change, but it’s not the only one. There’s usually a whole lot of action that comes after it – which is sort of the opposite of how I like to live out my January.

My January is about thinking big, having dreams, reconnecting with the things I’m passionate about and care about. It’s about remembering that for me, a life lived in mediocrity is a life half lived. From these big ideas the plan flows, even if it’s just the next step I have to take. It’s clear.

This article first appeared in the January 2010 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

Related posts:

1. Ditched the new year resolutions? Set goals that get results in 2010
2. Finding meaning and joy beyond the hype of the festive season
3. My Ten for (20)10: Priorities for a life well lived.

As a coach, I’ve achieved most of what I set out to do – except when it comes to keeping New Year resolutions. I still have my written resolution to learn the guitar in 2006 somewhere. It’s probably near the guitar I never learned to play.

And apparently I’m not alone. According to research in the US, only 15 to 20 percent of people achieve what they set out to do on January 1. In terms of strategies, I’d say this one isn’t very effective. And yet every year most of us participate in a ritual that routinely makes us feel like we’re failures.

You see, New Year resolutions don’t take into account how we change. We blindly believe that just by saying it (“Lose weight”, “Stop smoking”, etc) we will make it so on January 1. Our conscious thoughts can be powerful things, but they usually need a little help. When we make New Year Resolutions, we usually make them too vague (“lose weight”, but how much and how?), too negative (“I’m going to stop dating lying bastards like I’ve done the past five years”) and too overwhelming (“I want a hot body, hot partner, fame and a six-month round the world holiday”).

Just to make it harder, we joke about how long our resolutions will last and how spectacularly we will fail at them. Imagine if we treated our big life choices the way we treated our resolutions (“Yeah, I just got into uni; but I’ll probably fail, drop out, end up homeless and with a massive HECS debt”).

Now, don’t get me wrong; I think the beginning of a new year is a fine time to sit down and take stock of where we are in our lives, acknowledge the great things that have happened in the previous 12 months, perhaps give some consideration to how we’d do things differently if faced with some of the choices that gave us grief, and ask the question: What do I really want?

But if you’re really interested in changing some part of your life – and this time you want it to actually happen – then I challenge you to ditch the resolutions and start setting some goals.

What’s the difference between goals and resolutions?

Goals are about action and tangible results

You can say you want to make a million bucks this year, but until you get off the couch and do something, then it probably ain’t going to happen. Goals describe what you will be doing when you have achieved your intention – often quite specifically in a way that can be measured. You will be left with no doubt whether you attained it or not.

Goals have feedback built into them

You need to know if you are on track, or whether you need to change your strategy. And often the best way to do this is through the goal having a measurable component (such as “I will be exercising for 40 minutes a day, 3 days a week”) or even having people you can ask “Do you think this looks right?”

Goals create a path of “least resistance”

Goals have followup, support structures and excitement built into them so that you can actually achieve them. They acknowledge and work with the “path of least resistance”, which is your “natural” way of doing things. You thus encounter fewer obstacles. And goals have a support structure that pulls you toward them. This may be the way you structure your day or prioritise or it may be having people around you to encourage you as you make changes.

Goals are short-term, long-term and changing

Your goals will be with you for the entire 12 months. You will be visiting them regularly (sometimes daily, at least monthly) to see whether you’re still on track. Shock of all horrors, they may actually change over that twelve months as you realise that you didn’t really want to be a doctor anymore and joined the Sea Shepherds instead.

Goals challenge you

Goals are challenging (just out of your reach) but also not too far so you always have the belief that you can achieve it. Goals acknowledge what you’ve got to learn along the way. So you may have a long-term goal of finding a partner who you love to be with, but perhaps before that happens you’ll need to address your confidence in meeting new people generally.

Goals keep you in motion

Goals build your confidence by gradually moving you toward what you want rather than the ‘sink or swim’ approach. They acknowledge where you’re at, your skills, your beliefs and what really has to change. They are ongoing. You revisit them every week, every month and they change and grow with you.

Don’t set yourself up for failure in 2010 by talking about resolutions you know you’ll give up on after two weeks of suffering. Bring what you really want to life right now by setting some goals.

10 tips for achieving your goals in 2010

1. Ask yourself: Is this what I really want?

Your goals reflect your values and what’s most important to you in life. If you’re on holidays and would just like to feel this relaxed all the time, then perhaps it’s time to look at the work you’re doing or the way you are spending your working hours and ask “Is this what I really want to be doing? Is this what I really want to be doing in 12 months, 5 years, or 20 years? Do I need to change careers or change something about the way I work, or do I need to change myself?”

2. Be specific

Goals are specific and tend to be something you can measure (so you know when you get there). When you set goals for yourself – not your partner, your mother or your boss – you get the payoff everytime. Goals have a time-frame so you know when and if and what you’ve got to do to achieve them this month or this year.

3. Be bold

Confidence is the number one thing I work with people on. Even those who seem so sure of themselves in public have times of doubt. That’s healthy and part of who we are and how we process things; we’re looking for threats that impact on our safety and security. But most of the things we fear aren’t real. We are wonderfully resilient creatures, and it is only through putting ourselves in new situations that we learn and grow and find out that what we feared wasn’t as bad as we imagined. Public speaking, for example, can be an exhilarating experience.

4. Be positive

Goals that work are positive and things that you want rather than don’t want. For example, you may wish to leave your job, but your goal will be focused on identifying and attaining a job that you actually really enjoy. Elevate your mood, shift how you’re feeling and what you‘re thinking so that it‘s all moving you toward your goal in a positive way. The research shows that when you relax, keep positive, and do the things that make you happy, good health will follow.

5. Write it down

There’s something in the action of turning what’s in our head into words on paper. Whether it be writing your goals in a visible place where you can see them everyday, or journalling every day to keep your thoughts and feelings in flow; just write it down. Make it positive, share it with someone who you trust and make it yours.

6. Create a structure to stay on track

Look at where you give up and put something there to keep you on track (a reward, a buddy, a coach, an “appointment“ with yourself, etc). It’s no coincidence that, as life coaches, we coach weekly or fortnightly. Everyone has a certain cycle of change, and your goals may need that regular tweak to make them challenging again.

7. Feel your end goal

If you’re going to the gym with gusto for the first week or two and then start making excuses, it’s time to reconnect with what you’re doing this all for and make that emotional attachment to the end goal. Connect with the feeling of what it’s like playing footy with your kids and not getting puffed, or climbing those stairs without needing a break.

8. Look outside and inside

Use this time of year to re-connect with friends and re-discover passions and things you love that you’ve put aside while you’ve been busy with everyday living.

9. Don’t just do something, lie there

Achieving goals isn’t just about doing more, doing it quicker and doing it by yesterday. If your 2010 diary is already micromanaged in five-minute intervals, you may want to consider putting your batteries on recharge rather than burnout. Read a book, meditate, spend a day lying on the grass watching clouds. If you find it hard to figure out how to slow down, ask yourself WWYCD (What Would Your Cat Do)?

10. Celebrate what you do have

Use the time to acknowledge all the good stuff you already have in your life. If you have a roof over your head, food on the table and are working then you’re already doing better than 95% of the world’s population (!).

It’s your life. Live it.

Do you need Resolutions or (R)evolution?

Get support for your 2010 goals with the new Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about creating a life and work you love at www.worklifedesign.com.au

Related posts:

1. A new year. Hopes. Dreams. Possibilities.
2. Rethinking the Complimentary Coaching Session: Part 4. Applications for Coaching Practice
3. Working toward higher goals. Sharing the love. Happy V day.

REFLECTING ON 2009

December is the time of year when we reflect on the previous 12 months. It’s a time to acknowledge what we’ve achieved and what we’ve learned, to celebrate, to let go of that which no longer serves us, and identify the knowledge and peace of mind to move into a new year with wisdom, hope and enthusiasm.

What have I learned this year? What’s worked? What hasn’t worked?

The year of Twitter Less is more. It’s been the year of Twitter – a world of instant gratification, news and encapsulating life in 140 characters. I’ve, um, quite enjoyed it and look forward to seeing how it evolves.

The year of Needs What do people need? This is the question that’s driven me (and my work) this year. The financial crisis may have been reportedly ‘bad’, but I think it stripped away a lot of bloated artifice of modern life and many got to consider what was really important.

The year of Hair Samson was onto something. For the first time in 20 years I let my hair grow out. It was weird. It was also nice to not get tapped on the shoulder and told that I’d mistakenly entered the ladies toilets.

The year of 40 “Don’t ever worry about the numbers” is what my 83-year-old mother told me on my birthday this year. 40 came with so many expectations, it passed and I got on with life. I quite like it now.

The year of Noosa Women Possibly the most successful thing I’ve done in my life – this vibrant, emerging group gives me so much joy. I searched so long for ‘my people’; little realising that I just had to stand up and ask them to join me.

What did I learn from what didn’t work?

Write for myself And get an editor. Early in the year I started writing for others (rather than myself). The tone, enthusiasm and quality of my writing bottomed out and I’d fairly much stopped writing by the middle of the year. Not really great when one of my 2009 goals was to shift from coaching to writing as my main work.

A longer version of this article first appeared in the December 2009 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

POST-SCRIPT TO REFLECTING ON 2009

31 DECEMBER 2009

Since writing the above article, I’ve done a wee bit more reflecting and, probably more importantly, I’ve spoken with many people – friends, family, colleagues, clients, the lady in the fruit shop – about 2009.

Allowing the fallow times

What became clear to me as I spoke about the year was how it emerged as my ‘fallow’ year. I wasn’t singularly focused on achieving things, I just took them as they came and hopefully made the best of the opportunities that came my way. I can understand why I did this – 2008 was very intense and I was wanting to move in a new direction – but it only really made sense in retrospect.

Things that happened when I wasn’t looking

I was looking through my notebooks and journals yesterday while preparing an article on new year resolutions and came across references to some other things that I wanted to bring into my life in 2009.

Women’s Film Club One thing I wanted was to start some sort of local women’s film club. Tick. Actually, double tick if you include me finally joining Cinema Pomona – which is full of family.

“Win a Big Ass TV” Another thing on my list for 2009 was “Win a big ass TV”. I’ve always wanted a BATV but have never been able to justify buying one. So I thought winning one would absolve me of any responsibility of contributing to the global destruction of rainforests, um, etc. While I did not win any BATVs this year, I was given one. (Thanks Karen!) Actually, two. (Thanks Tan & Gretch!) It could have been three if I had found six burly blokes and a ute (not something I’m used to looking for every day). So there you go, a double tick for the BATV and a reminder that sometimes you just need to ask the universe for a big ass TV and she delivers – in triplicate.

Now I’m starting to sound like The Secret, so I will stop there.

[Oh, and Caro has advised me to put in a little note here informing you that I only came to possess two BATVs because one of them stopped working after we hauled its 5-tonne ass into the house. If you would like a decorative (read: non-working) BATV, please let me know.]

Nine None for 09? I was also surprised to find many references in my notes around this time last year to my “Nine for 09” (ie nine priorities for 2009) but I couldn’t find any such list. Imagine what the year would have been like if I’d actually put nine things out there?! So this year I’m doing my Ten For 10. Catchy huh? Actually it’s now at 11 for 10 because I keep thinking of “essentials for 2010”. As Simplicity is one of my priorities for 2010, I just need to whittle the list down to 10 for its framed version on the wall. [Yes, this is where you back away slowly from the crazy lady ... Hey, it works for me.]

Just a couple more year end questions and I’ll feel ready to move on

I’ve also just received a copy of David Allen’s End Of Year reflection questions. Okay, I don’t get as excited as some by his Getting Things Done approach but he’s a savvy guy and I like these…

After reviewing your 2009, name:

Your biggest triumph?

Smartest decision?

One word that sums up your year?

Greatest lesson learned?

Most loving service performed?

Biggest piece of unfinished business?

Most happy about completing?

Three people who had the greatest impact on your life?

Biggest risk?

Biggest surprise?

Most improved relationship?

The compliment you would have liked to receive?

The compliment you would have liked to given?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2009?

[Source: David Allen]

He’s also got some neat 2010 planning questions that you can check out at the original post.

And, the last word on 2009, I swear…

I’ve found the shift in Facebook statuses (from doom-and-gloom-the-world-is-fucked to woo-hoo-bring-on-2010) over the last few days fascinating, as people start (literally) looking forward to 2010.

Hmmm. Imagine how different life could be if we let our positive futures inspire us everyday.

Happy new year all. See you in 2010.

Related posts:

1. A new year. Hopes. Dreams. Possibilities.
2. My Ten for (20)10: Priorities for a life well lived.
3. Finding meaning and joy beyond the hype of the festive season

Research really only matters when we can learn something useful from it – and apply it to our lives. In this case, we’ve learned a little more about what works in those initial stages of coaching – whether it be in a comp session or a screening call. But how do we integrate it? How do we apply this knowledge to creating more effective coaching? Here’s what I’ve learned from research and practice:

First Coaching Sessions: Conclusions

1. Hard sell doesn’t work  Even the current sales literature is clear – selling is all about the quality of relationship, not manipulating the client into buying. And, given the nature of coaching, it’s not the role of the coach to manipulate a client.

2. Repeat the mantra: The less directive, the more effective.  While the research suggests that it isn’t selling per se that is undermining the effectiveness of the first session, it does indicate that directiveness plays a major role. As we’ve learned from other helping literature, when you ask rather than tell, the client owns the ideas, understands the rationale and is more motivated to follow through.

3. Directiveness isn’t always bad  It may kill me to say this, but sometimes directiveness is useful. It could be in clarifying tasks or building the alliance that provides a structure for the client to work effectively. Directiveness becomes detrimental when it limits the client’s choices.

4. The coach-client match is a myth  There is no evidence to support the need for coach-client match. Many short-course trained coaches don’t get taught enough about building rapport. The coach-client match won’t mask this lack of skills. Instead, coaches can be proactive about developing a strong working alliance with clear goals, tasks, and expectations and bond-forming activities.

5. Build a working alliance in your initial conversations  The first contact between coach and client is about gathering the information to determine whether they can work together. As such, important questions are:

1. Is the client’s issue suitable for coaching? (goal, tasks);
2. Is the client at a stage of change where coaching is a suitable intervention? (Or how could coaching be a suitable intervention for the client?) (goal, tasks);
3. What does the coach need to know to understand and convey that understanding of the client’s situation to the client, so a bond can develop? (goal, task, bond);
4. How does the client know the coach is competent and can help in their situation? (bond, tasks).

(This is derived from the working alliance literature and the “screening interview” developed by Williams and Menendez 2007)

6. Be aware of client expectations   Whether it is the assumptions clients bring about what coaching is or how it works (“you’re going to fix my problems”) or the more culturally imbued assumptions of gender role expectations (“women are nurturing”), an awareness of the different and often unspoken expectations will minimise disappointment (of unmet expectations) further down the track. It will also give you an entry point for some important conversations about cultural and social influence on communication and behaviour.

7. Acknowledge the tension  Clients come to coaching with a certain amount of tension – fears, uncertainty – which can be used a valuable source of insight by both coach and client.

8. Be transparent in your process  The complimentary session is a sales technique; either present it as such so the clients know what to expect, or use processes that are congruent with the principles of coaching.

What did I really learn from all this?

In the end, it’s all about the beginnings. Get them right and you’ll have fewer headaches further down the track. Of course, as we move along we come across new information that may make our original beginnings naïve, inappropriate, or obsolete. It’s in these moments that we have the opportunity to begin again.  And so, coaching becomes a series of beginnings. Navigating these is what it’s all about.

Related posts:

1. Rethinking the Complimentary Coaching Session. Part 3: The Research Study
2. Rethinking the Complimentary Coaching Session. Part 1: Feel the Pain
3. Rethinking the Complimentary Coaching Session. Part 2: The Selling of Coaching

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