• The week begins with a hissy-fit meltdown brought on by neglect of self-care. Mucho meditation later, all is good.
• Diary is covered with red dots (clients)
• Invitation to do retreats
• Invitation to lecture in South America
• An article I wrote a year ago gets published in Sydney’s Daily Telegraph
• I get interviewed about said article on radio 2UE
• Confab conference line falls over – 2 hours of rescheduling and re-writing guidelines for new system
• Frabulous movie night catchup with the girls (always better when wearing 3d glasses)
• Ping pong and drinkies with the noosa chicks (perhaps 3d glasses may have improved my game)
• Much laughter
• Lots of great wine

And, now, ready to start again…

Related posts:

1. This (Blogless) Life

REFLECTING ON 2009

December is the time of year when we reflect on the previous 12 months. It’s a time to acknowledge what we’ve achieved and what we’ve learned, to celebrate, to let go of that which no longer serves us, and identify the knowledge and peace of mind to move into a new year with wisdom, hope and enthusiasm.

What have I learned this year? What’s worked? What hasn’t worked?

The year of Twitter Less is more. It’s been the year of Twitter – a world of instant gratification, news and encapsulating life in 140 characters. I’ve, um, quite enjoyed it and look forward to seeing how it evolves.

The year of Needs What do people need? This is the question that’s driven me (and my work) this year. The financial crisis may have been reportedly ‘bad’, but I think it stripped away a lot of bloated artifice of modern life and many got to consider what was really important.

The year of Hair Samson was onto something. For the first time in 20 years I let my hair grow out. It was weird. It was also nice to not get tapped on the shoulder and told that I’d mistakenly entered the ladies toilets.

The year of 40 “Don’t ever worry about the numbers” is what my 83-year-old mother told me on my birthday this year. 40 came with so many expectations, it passed and I got on with life. I quite like it now.

The year of Noosa Women Possibly the most successful thing I’ve done in my life – this vibrant, emerging group gives me so much joy. I searched so long for ‘my people’; little realising that I just had to stand up and ask them to join me.

What did I learn from what didn’t work?

Write for myself And get an editor. Early in the year I started writing for others (rather than myself). The tone, enthusiasm and quality of my writing bottomed out and I’d fairly much stopped writing by the middle of the year. Not really great when one of my 2009 goals was to shift from coaching to writing as my main work.

A longer version of this article first appeared in the December 2009 edition of Design Notes, the newsletter of the Work/Life Design Program. You can find out more about Design Notes and the WLD Program at www.worklifedesign.com.au

POST-SCRIPT TO REFLECTING ON 2009

31 DECEMBER 2009

Since writing the above article, I’ve done a wee bit more reflecting and, probably more importantly, I’ve spoken with many people – friends, family, colleagues, clients, the lady in the fruit shop – about 2009.

Allowing the fallow times

What became clear to me as I spoke about the year was how it emerged as my ‘fallow’ year. I wasn’t singularly focused on achieving things, I just took them as they came and hopefully made the best of the opportunities that came my way. I can understand why I did this – 2008 was very intense and I was wanting to move in a new direction – but it only really made sense in retrospect.

Things that happened when I wasn’t looking

I was looking through my notebooks and journals yesterday while preparing an article on new year resolutions and came across references to some other things that I wanted to bring into my life in 2009.

Women’s Film Club One thing I wanted was to start some sort of local women’s film club. Tick. Actually, double tick if you include me finally joining Cinema Pomona – which is full of family.

“Win a Big Ass TV” Another thing on my list for 2009 was “Win a big ass TV”. I’ve always wanted a BATV but have never been able to justify buying one. So I thought winning one would absolve me of any responsibility of contributing to the global destruction of rainforests, um, etc. While I did not win any BATVs this year, I was given one. (Thanks Karen!) Actually, two. (Thanks Tan & Gretch!) It could have been three if I had found six burly blokes and a ute (not something I’m used to looking for every day). So there you go, a double tick for the BATV and a reminder that sometimes you just need to ask the universe for a big ass TV and she delivers – in triplicate.

Now I’m starting to sound like The Secret, so I will stop there.

[Oh, and Caro has advised me to put in a little note here informing you that I only came to possess two BATVs because one of them stopped working after we hauled its 5-tonne ass into the house. If you would like a decorative (read: non-working) BATV, please let me know.]

Nine None for 09? I was also surprised to find many references in my notes around this time last year to my “Nine for 09” (ie nine priorities for 2009) but I couldn’t find any such list. Imagine what the year would have been like if I’d actually put nine things out there?! So this year I’m doing my Ten For 10. Catchy huh? Actually it’s now at 11 for 10 because I keep thinking of “essentials for 2010”. As Simplicity is one of my priorities for 2010, I just need to whittle the list down to 10 for its framed version on the wall. [Yes, this is where you back away slowly from the crazy lady ... Hey, it works for me.]

Just a couple more year end questions and I’ll feel ready to move on

I’ve also just received a copy of David Allen’s End Of Year reflection questions. Okay, I don’t get as excited as some by his Getting Things Done approach but he’s a savvy guy and I like these…

After reviewing your 2009, name:

Your biggest triumph?

Smartest decision?

One word that sums up your year?

Greatest lesson learned?

Most loving service performed?

Biggest piece of unfinished business?

Most happy about completing?

Three people who had the greatest impact on your life?

Biggest risk?

Biggest surprise?

Most improved relationship?

The compliment you would have liked to receive?

The compliment you would have liked to given?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2009?

[Source: David Allen]

He’s also got some neat 2010 planning questions that you can check out at the original post.

And, the last word on 2009, I swear…

I’ve found the shift in Facebook statuses (from doom-and-gloom-the-world-is-fucked to woo-hoo-bring-on-2010) over the last few days fascinating, as people start (literally) looking forward to 2010.

Hmmm. Imagine how different life could be if we let our positive futures inspire us everyday.

Happy new year all. See you in 2010.

Related posts:

1. A new year. Hopes. Dreams. Possibilities.
2. Finding meaning and joy beyond the hype of the festive season
3. My Ten for (20)10: Priorities for a life well lived.

You may have noticed that the blog posts at WestonCulture have become few and far between over the last few months. Yes, it was intentional. My writing had all got a bit “spit out the words and publish” and I didn’t feel I was writing (or posting) what was most important. I was carried away in the inanity of the online world.

While still enamoured of online inanity, I have relegated such things to their rightful place: Twitter. Interestingly, that has created more conversations than my blogging. People really seem to read and respond to those 140 character missives.

But alas, there are some things that require more than a pithy pun or trite sentence, and I intend to get the longer writing happening again. Whether I post it or not is a different story…

So what’s happening in the land of WestonCulture?

Lots.

An Affordable Coaching Program For All?

Rather than spending hours writing blog posts that no one reads, I’ve been developing a new coaching program. Yes, surprise surprise, coaching has lured me back. I’m developing it with other coaches and it’s quite possibly the most radical step I’ve taken in my coaching practice: Making high quality coaching affordable to anyone who needs it. Launch is imminent so I will keep you posted.

Noosa Soloists

On other fronts, I’ve started a group for solo business owners in my area. I’m not sure where it’s going but I am connecting with some lovely people (all of whom are women, interestingly…). Just goes to show you that business doesn’t have to be hard-nosed and dull. There are no suits and briefcases at the Noosa Soloist meetups, just talented people passionate about what they do.

Noosa Women

I’ve also started a social group for GLBT women in the Noosa area. Again, I’m getting a chance to meet more of “my people” locally. While I do have a bunch of dyke friends where I live, it took years to cultivate, and is teeny tiny compared with my network in the city. Leaving the “ghetto” of a big city queer culture to go live in paradise is often bittersweet. I get to live in this beautiful peaceful place, but it’s a challenge to find people who share my values, interests, or life experience. I know I’m not alone. I’ve spoken to many who have sea/tree-changed (gay and straight) who say the hardest thing is rebuilding social networks. So, seeing as no one was going to do it for me, I’ve decided to do it myself… There’s so much more to say on this but perhaps I’ll leave it for an article…

Being Home. Doing Nothing. Talking to cows.

The last few months have also seen a lot of travelling. Two trips out west and a lot of time working in Brisbane have made life very full. So much so that I’ve really appreciated being home when I’m here.  And that’s a very nice feeling.

I’ve watched way too much tv recently. I have been totally addicted to Grand Designs (all 9 seasons and extras!) and Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations. Hmmm, I wonder what that’s saying?!

I swear, it’s all research.

And music! So much great music is flowing over the itunes airwaves at the moment. I’ve been listening to a fair bit of UK Top 40 (pop), trashy dance comps, and the latest releases from La Roux, Florence and the Machine, Sarah Blasko and Black Eyed Peas.

Anyway, must be off and get through some of my Monday morning madness. Have a brilliant week and don’t forget to say hi if you’re in the neighbourhood.

Related posts:

1. OMG. What am I doing with my life? Letting go, it seems…
2. Toodle pip 2009. It was swell.
3. What. A. Week.

When I was a bookseller I was always being asked the insider’s tips for getting published. I’m not sure why they asked me. I wasn’t a publisher. But I suppose I knew what was being published, what the publishers liked and I often knew the backstories to a bestseller’s success.

Of all those books with buzz, seldom did the author’s journey involve “get an agent” and “wait for the offers to roll in”. For every “get an agent” success story there are thousands of people who took a different route. In the past this might have been self-publishing or submitting to a million publishers or schmoozing with an editor – but there was never one right way.

Here I am fifteen years later, when publishing is a whole different game, and I’m stunned when I hear people say that they need to get an agent. Perhaps the publishing industry likes everyone to believe that it is “agent or nothing” (they have their make their commissions!) but the backdoor has always been open.

So how does one get a book published in 2009? Knowing the right people and schmoozing still seem to be the easiest routes, but the path I’m hearing of more and more is the “passionate expert” approach.

It’s fairly easy to become an “expert” these days. The ease and accessibility of blogging – and the way internet searching is structured – make it possible to become known as an expert in your field without the requisite 10,000 hours of practice.

David Meerman Scott at WebInkNow, has a great post on how new author, Lisa Genova, got her novel bought by publisher Simon and Schuster for half a million dollars.  Lisa’s book, Still Alice, is set for an initial print run of 250,000 copies. That is H.U.G.E. (Reality check: You’d be a happy clam in Australia if your book got a print run of 10,000 copies. Real happy.) Sure, it’s not quite JK Rowling territory, but Lisa has done very very well.

So how’d she do it? Well, the book is a fictionalised account of a woman who develops early-onset Alzheimers. It’s something that I’ve never heard of, but heck, it would be pretty devastating if it happened to me or anyone I know. But while my interest may be piqued, Lisa couldn’t get any literary agent or editor to touch it. And she spent a year trying.

Lisa could have given up – many do – and popped the manuscript in the bottom drawer as a forever reminder of her “learning experience”. But she didn’t. Instead, she used all that information and knowledge she’d acquired about Alzheimers when researching the book to put together a website. The website got the attention of the Alzheimers Association, who she then started blogging for. When she decided to self-publish (through print-on-demand publisher iUniverse), not only did she get the Alzheimers Association’s stamp of approval, she got a ready-made audience for her book.

The book sold well through online bookstores. It touched a nerve with people who had been affected by Alzheimers, and soon the agents were knocking at her door.

As I write this, Still Alice sits at Number 7 on the New York Bestsellers List, less than a month after being published by the major publishing house.

Not bad, eh? Lisa attributes her success to the following:

• A website
• Amazon reviews
• Her blogging
• Interviews on podcasts
• Profiles at MySpace and sites for booklovers
• Reviews at other blogs
• Reviews in traditional media

All these activities increased the marketing potential of the book and made it very attractive to the bidding publishers.

Lisa’s advice to writers is this:

“If you don’t find a literary agent falling into your lap quickly enough, if you feel like your work is done and is ready to be shared with the world, self-publish. Give your work to the world. Let it go.”

I’d also add in a caveat: It helps if you have a smattering of talent. While I could list a dozen books that have been very very successful despite the atrocities they have committed in the name of writing, being able to write well certainly helps. If you weren’t born with a silver pen in your hand, then you need to read and write and write and write. And get feedback. (Wow, looks like those 10,000 hours are starting to add up…)

You don’t need to do exactly what Lisa did. That’s just what worked for her. The beauty and inspiration in her story is her courage to sit down and find another plan when Plan A(gent) didn’t work.

So get out there and find your readers. Touch their hearts. Give them valuable information. Speak passionately about what you know best. Connect, and you never know where it might lead.

You can read more of Lisa’s story at her blog or check out the book.

Thanks to David Meerman Scott for the heads up on Lisa’s story. His new book, World Wide Rave, is out next month (March 2009) and you can checkout his fabbo free ebooks on marketing at his website. 

Related posts:

1. Book Review: The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

It’s that time of the year when I review what I’m doing and start re-visioning how I’d like my next twelve months to be. This year, I’ve decided that my future is going to have a lot less email.

I use email a lot. It’s my main connection with the world. I like it so much I even wrote an article about it for Flying Solo – which was re-published the other week as a 2008 Favourite. So when I decided that 2009 was going to be just focusing on what’s really important to me, I knew that meant that clearing out the clutter that lands in my Inbox.

What I am interested in now

I started the cull a few weeks ago as the sales bumpf masquerading as seasons greetings started flowing through. There are a few things I really love receiving – Boing Boing, Neatorama, the Pos Psych Developments list, the daily quotes from Kristin Coach, Rob Brezsny’s astrology, Treehugger.

Sales pitch does not equal value

There are many many other lists that I subscribed to when I was doing my research and are no longer relevant – so I’ve unsubscribed from dozens of coaching mailing lists. That feels very freeing, and I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything as they have tended to say the same thing for the last seven years I’ve been watching: Woo, change your life, pay me now.

Sending me crap will not make me buy

That’s not what I’m looking for at the moment. Actually, I’m not sure if it ever was. It’s such a shame when people start newsletters/blogs with something valuable to say and then lose it all to the sales pitch. I have a separate email that I use for signing up to “free report” lists that look a little dodgy. I’m curious enough, and the person has my attention, but then they usually go and stuff it up by clogging up my Inbox with their “offers”. I rarely check that particular email address but when I looked today there were over 1500 messages waiting for me. Some of the free report peddlers were sending up to five emails a week! It’s like I’d signed up for spam.

It’s not you, it’s me

Back at my everyday Inbox, there are some lists that were once great reads but I no longer get much from. Sure, some newsletters/blogs lose their mojo, but it’s more likely that I’ve heard enough of what they have to say, and I’m moving on. Then there are the mailing lists I stay with because they have one tiny bit of value that I appreciate.

Finding the hidden gems

I’ve been known to skim the ‘content’ of newsletters until I get to the “On a Personal Note” sections because I feel this is where the truth or insights of life start to shine through. There’s a very popular newsletter, This Is True, that is an entertaining and sometimes outrageous compilation of “truth is stranger than fiction” news stories from around the globe. But, I don’t actually read the stories, just my two favourite sections: the “Bonzer Website of the Week” and the “Honorary Unsubscribe” i.e death of a significant but usually unknown person. These are tiny sections at the end of the newsletter have kept me subscribed for years.

Similarly, another newsletter I read only for the “Who said this?” quote at the end. Unfortunately, that section’s gone so I’ll be unsubscribing. [Newsflash: Just received a copy and the section is back. Wow, how is that for a universal conspiracy?!]

What makes a great blog/newsletter?

So, for me, something that arrives in my Inbox, gets my attention, and makes it through my filters has one or more of these factors:

• it is quirky or provides a different perspective on life
• it is original or is saying something important in an innovative way
• it is easy to read
• it is personal and speaks to me – not down to me.
• if it has a sales message – and I prefer it not to – it is clever and discreet
• it makes me go “Wow” or laugh or marvel how amazing people can be (or nature for that matter).

Fortunately, email technology makes the Unsubscribe process easy now. So, as I’ve been culling and as the email-deluge has naturally subsided over the holidays, I have to say that I’ve been enjoying opening up my Inbox more and more. Now I know that everything that shows up is something I want to read. Isn’t that why we use email? It helps us stay in contact with the people, ideas and opportunities that will enhance our life.

[BTW you know can Subscribe or Unsubscribe to this blog by clicking up in top right hand corner. Tee. Hee.]

Related posts:

1. On Weston Culture
2. The silly season begins …

Using writing as reflective practice not only develops your communication skills but can also help you with those big (and little) life decisions.

Reflective practice. Means nothing to you? No, it probably wouldn’t unless you’d trained as a teacher or a nurse or a psych or a management consultant. It’s a shame it’s not more well-known because I find it the most helpful technique/ approach to improving not only my professional practice but also my life.

What is reflective practice?

In a nutshell, reflective practice is about looking at an incident or situation – usually one which has gone totally pear-shaped but it works equally well with peak events – and asks “What the heck was going on there?”

You describe what was said or done (the action or behaviour), the feelings that you were experiencing as this was happening, and the thoughts behind the feelings or the behaviour. Then you take it back to first principles, or your ‘truth’ or belief underlying the behaviour, and it can reveal whether your values-in-action are matching your espoused-values.  (ie are your actions aligned with what you say?)

Once you have a little insight into the situation then reflective practice asks that you explore different ways to approach the situation in the future (ie How could I have done this differently?).  You add the possible new behaviour to your kitbag that you can test next time you’re in the same (or even similar) situation.  Then you reflect on it again. It’s a cyclical thing. Much like coaching, except you do it yourself.

It all sounds a bit cognitive when I put it that way, but it really is a quite gentle process. It comes from the assumption that we all have good reasons to do or say the things we do. Sometimes we misjudge the consequences, sometimes we forget about the consequences, but at some level there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for us doing daft things.

It’s all about learning

If you see change from a learning perspective (such as with Lewin or Kolb’s cycle of experiencing, reflecting, thinking and acting), reflective practice addresses (and makes explicit) the reflecting and thinking phases of the learning cycle that we may take for granted as we rush through life.

As mentioned earlier, reflective practice was developed in professions where it is important (often critical) to learn from your mistakes. What I like best about it is the simple act of sitting down and writing out the experience means that I have to stop and look at the consequences of my actions. It requires me to consider options I may not have previously rather than just blindly continue doing what I always do. In doing so, patterns of behaviour or thinking are revealed, different perspectives can be explored and it opens up a world of possibility.

Revive yourself for conscious living

It also brings a lot of my unconscious actions or beliefs into consciousness so that I know I have a whole swag of skills or options at my disposal when a similar situation arises again. Knowing I have this repertoire of responses does wonders for my self-efficacy (the belief that I can do something), which is one of the key players in goal achievement.

Reflective practice can be used in many situations such as post-training implementation, action research and learning at work – and even getting on better with your partner. And after you do it for a while, you’ll find it occurs naturally when you’re in the situation so that you get what they call reflection-in-action as well.

I use reflective practice as part of my daily journaling and I find it helps me get to the bottom of things that are bugging me. And you’ll see plenty of it here at westonculture as it’s my preferred writing style: I write for understanding and ultimately to find better ways of living and working.

If you’re interested in using reflective practice in your own work and life, then checkout my Reflective Practice worksheet. It was written for coaches but I think it’s still applicable across work and life situations.

Related posts:

1. Can you write a novel in 30 days? Go NaNoWriMo!
2. How people change: Working with the stages and processes of change
3. Rethinking the Complimentary Coaching Session: Part 4. Applications for Coaching Practice

I don’t know if it’s the same the world over, but yesterday I noticed a certain buzz in the air as I made my way home from Brisbane. It’s a little bit holiday and a little bit tension, as the xmas / new year break quickly approaches.

For me, December is the busiest month of the year as I catchup with friends for EOY drinkies and finalise anything that needs completion before the new year.

Beyond the bullshit…

While I was in Brisbane on Friday, I went to a lovely gathering of women who I knew from the local chapter of ICF a few years ago. It was so nice to be in the presence of women who speak beyond the bullshit of everyday niceties, who are thoughtful and engage fully with life. I love it that I have people like this in my life.

Goin bush and clearing the mind …

This capped off a week that I spent out bush with my sister, Dee. Again, big conversations interspersed amongst the mundane “what’s for dinner?” and chasing a lawn mower around her ginormous yard. There’s something to be said for just removing yourself from the world for a few days to get some perspective. As Dee only has dialup internet, I wasn’t reading any emails except for those that looked urgent or personal. Returning to an Inbox with hundreds of things I feel I ‘must read’, I realised that I still have a lot of mental junk in my life. I think it’s time to cull the email subscriptions – again.

Don’t mention the thesis…

My few days away allowed me to decompress from my highly-strung November. I had four weeks to do a re-analysis and re-write of my thesis.  While I may not have been posting anything here during the month, I wrote a lot about resilience and coping, and how much I hate academia. I held off on posting this stuff because I wanted it to coincide with a Flying Solo article that gets published next week, and I also wanted to do a little bit of reflection after the fact. So there is plenty to come…

Discovering the effortless novel…

I outdid myself on my Nanowrimo effort this year. I wrote one word – a new record!  While it was a pissy effort, there was a lot of thinking that went on around that one word that helped me realise that there is a really effortless novel I could write. Now I just need to find the courage to do it.  Also, I’m thinking that Nano is not timed right for me in November. Every year I’ve done it, I’ve had some other major thing going on that has taken priority. Maybe everyday has to be Nano day?

Approval to get on with my life – granted …

When I returned to email-land on Thursday I found notification that I had approval to graduate. [Insert hugest sigh of relief] This was totally unexpected. I knew the deadline was Friday but as I’d only submitted my re-write the week before I didn’t think it would come through. To be able to graduate and move on is such a weight lifted. I feel free.

Coming home…

It was wonderful to come home to Carolyn (and the cats!) yesterday. The weather was stinking hot (35 degrees and like a sauna) but I was home. We had a couple of beers on the verandah before the skies emptied themselves (47mm overnight) and I watched the end of season four of Six Feet Under.

It was a perfect end to the first week of the silly season. 

Related posts:

1. Can you write a novel in 30 days? Go NaNoWriMo!
2. Finding meaning and joy beyond the hype of the festive season
3. Squeal! The L Word returns for its final season

… and I haven’t written one word yet.

Yes, that’s right. National Novel Writing Month began on Saturday (1^st November) and besides giving a cursory “Hmm. What shall I write about this year?” to it, I have yet to meet my 1667 daily word count.

So, for those of you who haven’t heard me blither on about it before, Nano is about writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Thus the 1667 per day word count thing.

Last year I think I wrote 800 words. The year before was a much sounder effort: 17,000 words.

The great thing about Nano, and why I persist despite less than perfect results in previous years, is that it’s about just writing – getting the words on paper (or screen as the case now may be). And it’s fun to lock the inner-editor outside for 30 days while you get poorly-formed characters to have ridiculous adventures full of dreadful dialogue. How many times in your life do you get to have this much fun?

Anyhoo. Now that I’ve told you about it, I suppose I better start writing.

There’s plenty of time if you’d still like to join in. Just go to www.nanowrimo.org, register, and start typing!

Related posts:

1. The silly season begins …
2. On Reflective Practice, or, Why I write.
3. Debunking the myth of 21 Days to a New Habit